|
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
Fiction back to table of contents
Published in Karamu
The Temple Rock
By Paul Pekin
The thousand mile beach was everything it was said to be, a bit crowded near the hotel, yes, but that clean sparkling sand did go on as far as the eye could reach, and those deep cobalt waves, washing up with timeless regularity, were beyond duplication--at any price.
The mountains of Ggrrgh were all they were said to be, towering peaks that ended in the clouds, endless ski slopes covered with bright virgin snow, and deep silent forests where you could sometimes glimpse the rarely photographed Ddraggh.
The raft trip down the River Sskkap was all any tourist could ask for; the hot spring geysers at Wwallp exactly as advertised, the historical ruins of Llamuip certainly worth an afternoon, and the accommodations, wherever you stayed, were better than excellent with service unlike anything you would find earth--these Ggrrghians were courteous, industrious, eager, almost too eager to please.
"What did I tell you," Francis told her again. "Was this a great trip, or what?"
Francis was the kind of man who attracts women who appreciate money. Genny was the kind of woman he attracted. Francis was short, slightly overweight, and wore a hair implant. Genny was tall, blonde, and perfectly proportioned; Genny wore diamonds.
They were in the space port at Ggrrgh, a slight delay while the inspector went over their baggage. He, the inspector, had almost been apologetic. "The government is perhaps over concerned about protecting our cultural heritage. Still, there have been cases of people smuggling historical artifacts from the planet."
The inspector was a typical Ggrrghian, quite humanoid except for the brilliant purple skin and lemon colored nose that gave his race a slightly avian appearance. He wore a khaki uniform with his name plate pinned above the shirt pocket. Inspector LLyyho was his name.
Francis and Genny waited in the lounge, sipping KKiiviet, a Ggrrghian wine so precious the bartender's hand shook when he poured. "I wish," she said, "I wish you hadn't picked up that temple rock."
She'd been worrying about this ever since they left the ruined city of Pppprgh. A simple little stone that had simply been lying around loose anyway. On earth it might be worth something. Here, the Ggrrghians had mountains of the stuff.
"They had signs all over," she continued. "They had warning signs, Francis. In English!"
"Don't even talk about it," Francis smiled. "You'll make them suspicious."
"They are suspicious! They're going through our luggage!"
"A formality. They won't find it. They don't even want to find it. What, hurt the tourist industry? What other industry do they have on this planet? There is nothing whatever to worry about."
He was quite sure about that. Ggrrgh had no industry, no commerce, very little agriculture, in short, almost nothing except scenery. You had to feel sorry for the natives, living as they did on seeds.
Then Francis looked up from his drink and saw Inspector LLyyho returning from the customs room. The Inspector had two other officers with him. As much as is possible with a pleasant Ggrrghian face, Inspector Llyyho looked grim.
"Oh, oh," Ginny said. "They found it."
"So what?" Francis laughed. "Don't you worry about a thing. Just watch me take care of it."
Inspector Llyyho stepped up and made a short ceremonial bow. "I'm afraid," he said, "there is a problem."
"I'll be right back," Francis told Genny. Watching the Ggrrghians lead him away, she tried not to worry. The stone was in his luggage, not hers, wasn't it?
In the customs room Inspector Llyyho unrolled a scroll of Ggrrghian parchment and began reading.
"You have a right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. Meanwhile, according to Ggrrghian custom and law, you will be held without bond until you confess."
Francis was outraged. "Put me in touch with the American Council! We'll see about this!"
"We certainly will," the Inspector said. He now produced the rock. "Regrettably, sir, this was found in your luggage."
"I can't imagine how it got there," Francis said.
"I'm afraid it was cleverly hidden in a false compartment. It could not have gotten there by mistake."
Francis glanced at his watch and made a decision. The ship was due to launch within the hour. "You're right," he conceded. "My mistake. I just didn't realize such a tiny stone could be such a big issue."
"Tiny stone!" the Inspector exclaimed. "Regrettably, 2.5 grams cannot be considered tiny. Were every tourist visiting the Temple of Pppprgh to carry off 2.5 grams, in a matter of centuries all that would remain would be dust."
Francis removed his watch. It was a 24 carate gold plated Rolex look alike, but he could always get another. He stepped close to Inspector Llyyho and whispered into his ear.
When he was finished he stood back and waited. Inspector Llyyho immediately unrolled his scroll of Ggrrghian parchment and resumed reading:
"You have a right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. Meanwhile, according to Ggrrghian custom and law . . . "
"The second charge," he explained when he had finished, "is for bribery. Regrettably, on Ggrrgh, bribery is a capital offense."
"Whoa! Whoa!" Francis cried. "Who said anything about a bribe. I never said anything about a bribe, and you can't prove I did."
"Regrettably--for you," Inspector Llyyho said, "I can." He produced a small recording device and played back Francis's offer at full room volume, after which he reached into his pocket and extracted the watch Francis had dropped into it.
"So you see," the Inspector continued. "It would be best for you if you immediately confessed. Things could become most unpleasant."
"What could be more unpleasant than capital punishment?"
"Regrettably," the Inspector said. "Many things are."
The Inspector was a genial and courteous host--once the formalities of the accusation were complete. He and his officers escorted Francis out the service entrance, sparing him the embarrassment of being seen in chains by the other passengers, and placed him in the back seat of a squad car. The two officers rode in the front seats; the Inspector slid in beside Francis. Soon they were gliding along the Ffarg River Drive.
"And how," the Inspector said, in a pleasant conversational voice, "How have you enjoyed our planet?"
"First rate," Francis said. "Up till now."
"Did you get to the caverns of KJkyth? They are quite remarkable, I understand. I have a sister who works there in the concession. Perhaps, you met her."
"We didn't make the caverns," Francis confessed. "Maybe next time."
The Inspector coughed gently and changed the subject. "Of course, you have a woman of earth with you. No doubt you find her more attractive than ours. But many of your countrymen, I am told, take a rather different approach. What is your opinion of that?"
"Listen," Francis leaned close to the Inspector and whispered. "No bribe now, understand, I'm not offering any bribe, but do you realize how much it costs for an earthman to vacation on Ggrrgh?"
"Many thousands of credits," the Inspector sighed. "Many many more than I could earn in a dozen years."
"Exactly. And if I can afford that, it follows that I must have much more . . . much much more . . . "
Crossing the Ffarg River bridge, the inspector pointed out the famous Vvuuultn Volcano, sixty miles away and clearly visible beneath its plume of smoke. "They say it is a sight never to be forgotten. Although I myself have never had the opportunity to make a visit. Probably you have seen more of our planet in two weeks than I have in a lifetime."
"With money one can do much," Francis assured him. "With much money one can do very much . . . "
Just before they entered the Police Headquarters Building, Francis, is desperation, made his second offer. Obviously the first had been a mistake. How could a simple Ggrrghian official understand the value of a gold plated watch? This time Francis mentioned a sum containing six figures and no decimal points.
Out came the scroll. "You have a right to remain silent, anything you say can and . . . "
The next morning in his cell, Francis received visitors, a clerk from the American Consulate and a well dressed Ggrrghian civilian with a typically bright nose. "Ah, here you are," the American clerk said. "I was afraid they'd already put you to death."
"Good God!" Francis cried. "You can't be serious!"
The clerk was quite young, Francis thought, too young for such a responsible position, but he was serious. "We are going to do our best," he promised. "The Ggrrghians have provided you with an attorney."
The well dressed Ggrrghian made a polite ceremonial bow that somehow reminded Francis of the bow the Inspector had made just before unrolling his scroll. It was amazing how much these people looked alike.
"I don't want a geek lawyer!" he shouted. "I want a human being!"
"Regrettably," the bright-nosed attorney said, "Our law insists you must be represented by a Ggrrghian.
"The good news," the young American clerk said, "is that we've already gotten them to drop the charges on your, uh, companion. You'll be pleased to hear she's on her way back to earth at this very moment."
"Regrettably," the attorney added, "Before departure she signed several statements fully implicating you in the Temple Rock theft."
"Which would not be so bad," the young American clerk said, quickly, before Francis could verbalize his reaction to this. "The penalty for theft is only, what, six years?"
"Forty," the attorney corrected. "Regrettably, a Temple Rock is classified as A Precious National Artifact."
"But with time off for good behavior?"
"Oh, yes. It is possible the sentence could be reduced by half."
"Twenty years!" Francis bellowed.
"Regrettably," the attorney continued. "There is the matter of the bribery charges."
"Which can be resolved . . . " The young American clerk cried.
"But only," the attorney said, "Only if we can persuade the Inspector to accept your apology."
Francis was stunned. He had spent 40,000 credits in less than two weeks on this planet and what was his reward? To be locked up in a cell by some two-bit inspector with a beak for a nose. And now he must apologize?
"You have deeply humiliated our inspector," the attorney explained. "It would have been quite impossible for him to accept your bribe. How would he have ever spent it without attracting attention? Everyone knows an inspector of police of Ggrrhh only earns 92 credits a year. And out of this he is expected to buy his own uniform!"
"Here are the papers you must sign," the young American clerk said. "The confession, and the apology. Please remember," he added somewhat ominously. "Earth is a great distance away."
Two days later (The Ggrrghian detention staff, of course, treated Francis with great courtesy and concern, even if the only rations they were able to provide were seeds) a reply to the apology was forthcoming. Inspector Llyyho had rejected it. But he would agree to a personal interview to discuss the matter.
"You must be very careful what you say to him," the attorney warned Francis. "He is a proud man and you have humiliated him deeply."
By now Francis had learned of the imaginative methods used by the Ggrrghians in executing their sentences. It seemed wise to agree to anything. "I will be very humble," he promised. "I will express my utter remorse. I will beg his forgiveness."
But when the dapper little Inspector entered his cell that afternoon, Francis very nearly leapt at him. "I apologized!" he bellowed. "I sent you a note of apology! And now I apologize in person! What more do you want?"
The Inspector made his little bow. "Perhaps I should explain myself. I have no desire to see you suffer. On the contrary, were there some acceptable alternative, I would . . . well, why speak of it? Regrettably, we must have justice."
"Look, Inspector," Francis said, hastily pulling himself together. "As one man to another, as one being to another, what harm has been done? A simple stone misplaced in my luggage, an error you yourself fortunately corrected. And then, what? A cultural misunderstanding? What possible gain can there be for anyone in letting this matter . . . continue?"
"That is for the courts to decide."
"It already has been decided," Francis groaned. "I'm guilty and I'm not allowed to plead otherwise!"
""Yes," the Inspector agreed. It was difficult to imagine what he was thinking.
"Look at it this way," Francis said with all the patience he could muster. "What will happen to the Ggrrghian tourist industry when news of this gets back to earth? Who would want to vacation here? No one! That's who!"
The Inspector nodded. "Yes, that is possible."
"Oh, have mercy!" Francis cried, falling to his knees. At last he was able to weep--but did Ggrrghians even know what a tear was?
"I am moved," the Inspector said. "Yes, it is a cultural misunderstanding. I will speak to the judge, but you must understand, the final decision is his."
"Thank you, thank you," Francis groveled, kissing the Inspector's feet which, he noticed for the first time, were the same shade of bright yellow as his nose.
Precisely what the Inspector finally told the Judge, Francis never learned. On Ggrrgh the accused is never permitted to attend his own trial lest the judge, face to face with an unfortunate fellow being, weaken and fail to properly carry out his duties. Francis was perched in his cell, trying to crack a handful of seeds, when his attorney brought in the verdict.
"Good news! You must have spoken well to the Inspector!"
"I'm forgiven?"
"Regrettably, no, but the bribery sentence has been deferred."
Francis did not like the sound of this. "Deferred? Till when?"
"Why . . . until you have completed your sentence for Theft of a Precious Artifact."
"Forty years!" Francis gasped.
"But with time off for good behavior. Oh, please, sir, do not despair. You will find life in our penal colony more agreeable than you suspect. Open air, splendid scenery, sturdy accommodations, excellent exercise, the time will fly!"
He was right on all counts. The penal colony was deep within the mountains of Jjaraxx, a region more beautiful than any shown in the travel folders. And the air was indeed fresh, almost never exceeding 5 degrees centigrade, and the accommodations were indeed sturdy, with every guest receiving his own private room, solidly walled by eight feet of solid rock, and the exercise was indeed most stimulating with mountains and mountains of even larger rocks to be broken into smaller rocks and smaller rocks to be broken into even smaller portions until at last they all weighed 2.5 grams and could not have been told from the rock that had caused all this trouble in the first place.
But most of all, waiting for what had been deferred, Francis saw that time indeed could fly.
the end
copyright@paul pekin 2001
